The Toxic Boss Effect
"Sonali, this isn't done!" - she shouted at me in front of all the other Leaders
Picture this: You walk into your new job, fresh-faced and eager to conquer the world. You're ready to learn, grow, and make a difference.
But instead of a warm welcome, you're greeted by a boss straight out of a nightmare—a toxic boss.
Now, I don't need to explain what a toxic boss is, do I?
We've all had one or heard horror stories.
They're the masters of micro-management, the kings and queens of criticism, and the champions of chaos.
And let me tell you, I've had my fair share of encounters with these characters during the early years of my career.
But let me share with you one particularly memorable moment.
On one regular Thursday morning I was summoned to my boss's cabin for what I assume is a routine meeting.
Little did I know, I was about to be thrown into the spotlight in the most unwelcome way possible.
As I stepped into her cabin, I could feel the tension in the air.
My boss, red-faced and fuming, unleashed a torrent of anger in my direction—all because of a mistake that wasn't even my fault.
“This isn’t done Sonali”
“You have to be more proactive”
“I really do not know what else to say”
I stood there - confused - no questions asked
And to add insult to injury, the entire cast of office leaders was there to witness the spectacle.
Now, let me tell you, being yelled at in front of your peers is no picnic.
It's enough to make even the most seasoned professional question their worth.
I was still a newbie.
The meeting was over and I was back at my desk.
The only thing on my mind was — who’s fault was this? why was I thrown under the bus?
But here's where the story takes an unexpected turn.
Over the next few days, I assumed the role of the office Sherlock Holmes.
My singular mission: to unravel the mystery of how, through a game of Chinese whispers, my name found its way to my boss's ears.
Days later, my boss discovered that the mistake she had berated me for wasn't actually my fault.
Imagine her embarrassment when she realized she had publicly reprimanded the wrong person.
So, she did what any reasonable person would do—she called me back to her cabin. But this time, there was no fire in her eyes, no righteous indignation.
Instead, there was something far more telling: Guilt.
As I entered her office once again, I couldn't help but notice the shift in her demeanor. Gone was the brash confidence, replaced by a palpable sense of unease.
She couldn't even bring herself to meet my eyes, let alone muster the courage to apologize for her earlier outburst.
And in that moment, I realized something:
True leadership isn't about exerting power or instilling fear—it's about humility, accountability, and the willingness to admit when you're wrong.
I was mentally making notes of how I will explain my side of the story.
But you know what?
That apology never came. Not a word of acknowledgment, not even a hint of regret.
And as I prepared to leave the room, I uttered,
“I wasn’t at fault. That wasn’t my mistake”
To which she said, “I know”
And that's when I knew I wanted out.
I refused to work under a leader who couldn't lead by example, who couldn't extend the same courtesy and respect to others that she demanded for herself.
And so, I made the difficult decision to walk away, to seek out a work environment where leadership wasn't just a title, but a philosophy—one rooted in integrity, empathy, and a positive culture.
And you know what? It was the best decision I ever made.
This decision became a guiding light for me - guiding my choices not just for my next employer but for every future offer.
Now, you might be wondering, what kind of leader am I?
Well, let me tell you. I am an Affiliative leader.
(This is what the Toastmaster’s quiz about Leadership told me 😉)
My objective is to create a cohesive unit by emphasizing teamwork and harmony. I believe in collaboration and focus on emotional needs.
My affiliative style is often used effectively alongside visionary leadership.
How do I practice this style of Leadership?
👉 Building Relationships: I prioritize creating strong bonds among team members.
👉 Listening Actively: I pay close attention to the emotional needs of team members and provide support when needed.
👉 Most importantly: I praise in public and criticisz in private, ensuring that feedback is constructive and respectful.
To all the aspiring leaders out there,
Break the cycle of toxicity
Don't treat your team the way your toxic bosses treated you.
And now, as you continue on your own journey of leadership growth, I urge you to reflect on the kind of leader you want to be.
“Be the Leader you wish you had”
Take the lessons from my story and let them guide you toward becoming the leader your team deserves—one who leads with empathy, integrity, and a commitment to positive change.
This is my journey through the Toxic Boss Effect. What will yours be?
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Cheers!