"I keep saying yes to everything and losing out on things I enjoy"

The Art of Setting Boundaries for Better Work-Life Balance

How often do you say 'yes' to something when you just want to say a simple 'no' without explaining?

That's where personal boundaries come in—being clear and firm about what you will and won’t accept. Keeping personal boundaries is tough for most of us. We know having limits is good, but sticking to them is hard.

But it doesn’t have to be, let’s know how…

You are in a relationship with yourself

Personal boundaries help you have a healthy relationship with yourself. You talk to yourself, think about yourself, and even judge yourself. Setting good boundaries with yourself helps you focus on what matters the most.

Everyone's boundaries are different because we all have unique needs and priorities. Here are some examples:

• Stick to a budget

• No phones or TV in the bedroom

• Don't work past 7 p.m.

• Don’t check work emails on weekends

• Only buy what’s on your shopping list

• Avoid checking Instagram out of boredom

• Eat out no more than twice a week

• Avoid people who stress you out

• Don’t drink alcohol on weeknights

• Don’t keep junk food in the house

• Limit yourself to two cups of coffee a day

What are yours?

Childhood Influences

Our childhood shapes how we set boundaries.

Some of my friends had parents who didn’t have clear limits, or their rules were too strict. So now making boundaries feel like it’s a way to control them.

For another friend, their parents had very few rules. They could stay up as late as they wanted, eat whatever they liked, and do pretty much anything. At first, it felt great to have so much freedom. But over time, they started feeling overwhelmed and anxious. They didn’t know how to manage my time or make healthy choices.

As an adult, they realized that they needed to set boundaries for themselves to feel more in control and less stressed.

I used to change myself to fit in with new friends because I thought being myself was wrong. I then came clean to my friends and told them - “I only pretended to like it because it was important to you.”

Setting boundaries helps make life more predictable and safe. It’s like re-parenting yourself, giving you the structure and security you might have missed as a child.

Before making big decisions, ask yourself, "Who am I doing this for?"

Over-Guarding Yourself

Now you might wonder, does it mean one needs to be selfish and ruthless to set a boundary? No, there is a very fine line between being selfish and setting a boundary.

Being selfish means not caring about others' feelings, while setting boundaries means being kind to yourself and others.

When someone crosses your boundaries, you don't need to punish them, draw walls around yourself and never be able to trust anyone again.

Instead, stay calm and remember you have the right to say no to things that don’t serve you.

A friend once asked me to help with a project during a very busy week. I wanted to say no, but I felt guilty and agreed. I ended up stressed and resentful. Afterward, I realized that setting a boundary wouldn’t have been selfish—it would have been self-care.

The next time she asked, I politely declined and offered to help another time when I wasn’t so overwhelmed. She understood, and our friendship remained strong.

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." – Aristotle

Go on a Date with yourself

How can you ask others to treat you well if you don't treat yourself well? How can you expect others to respect you if you don’t believe in yourself?

Take time to understand who you are. What do you like? What are your dreams? It might feel strange at first, but it’s important.

I used to struggle with low self-esteem. I didn’t know what I wanted or what made me happy. After some self-reflection, I discovered my need for Me time. I started setting aside time each week to do things I truly enjoyed doing alone - slow walks, playing music, painting, reading books.

These activities made me feel more fulfilled and confident. By understanding what made me happy, I was able to communicate my needs more clearly to others and also not be solely dependent on them.

Communicating Boundaries with Others

When you set boundaries, some people might argue or push back. They might not understand why the boundary is important to you.

Start by identifying areas in your life that need boundaries, like finances, relationships, or daily routines. Write them down and make small changes at first.

For example, if you’re tired and a friend invites you out, you can say, "Thanks for the invite, but I need a quiet night. Maybe next time." This isn’t selfish; it’s taking care of yourself.

My coworker used to drop by my desk frequently to chat, which disrupted my workflow. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I needed to focus on my tasks. I politely told her that I needed to concentrate during work hours but would love to catch up during lunch breaks. She understood and appreciated my honesty.

Notice how your boundaries affect others. Setting boundaries for yourself can make you more confident, and that can inspire others.

“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none” - Unknown

Start here and define your Personal BOUNDARY:

1. Be honest about what you want and what you can handle.

2. Outline what you can accept and what you can’t.

3. Understand the impact of your actions.

4. Never overcommit to please others.

5. Do things because they make you happy.

6. Always offer another solution if unsure.

7. Respectfully and firmly state your boundaries.

8. You have the right to say no without feeling guilty.

Examples:

• "I love you, but I don’t agree."

• "I am not ready to talk about that."

• "I need some alone time."

• "Can we talk in person instead of texting?"

• "I want to help, but I’m overcommitted."

• "That sounds fun, but I can’t make it."

• "I used to do this for free, but now I charge for my work."

Take our sometime and draw these Boundaries for yourself in these 3 major categories: Yourself, Your Relationships, Your Work

For Yourself:

1. Time Management: Set aside time for self-care and hobbies. For instance, dedicate Saturday mornings to doing something you love, like hiking or painting.

2. Personal Space: Have times and places where you can be alone. Create a cozy corner in your home where you can read or meditate without interruptions.

3. Health: Limit unhealthy habits and prioritize self-care. Commit to a regular exercise routine and balanced diet to feel your best.

In Relationships:

1. Communication: Clearly express your needs. For example, if you need quiet time in the morning, let your family know so they can support you.

2. Personal Space: Respect others' space and ask for consent. Knock before entering someone’s room and ask before borrowing their things.

3. Conflict Resolution: Set limits on how to handle conflicts. Agree to discuss issues calmly and take breaks if emotions run high.

4. Autonomy: Allow each other to have separate interests and friendships. Encourage your partner to pursue their hobbies and spend time with their friends.

5. Emotional Support: Let others know how they can support you and when you need space. For instance, tell your partner when you need some alone time to recharge.

At Work:

1. Manage Your Time Effectively: Set clear limits on your work hours to avoid overworking. For instance, decide that you'll only check emails between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.

2. Communicate Your Limits: Clearly communicate your boundaries to colleagues and supervisors. Let your team know that you’re not available for meetings after 4 p.m.

3. Separate Work and Personal Life: Create a physical or mental boundary between work and home life. If you work from home, have a dedicated workspace that you leave at the end of the workday.

4. Handle Work Requests Professionally: If you’re asked to handle a task outside your role, explain your current responsibilities and suggest someone else who might be able to help. Don’t promise more than you can deliver.

5. Schedule Self-Care: Make time for self-care activities and avoid overcommitting. Schedule regular breaks and downtime on your calendar to recharge.

Make this list for yourself today & let me know what’s on your list!

Cheers!

Sonali

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