Courage Was Never Encouraged: Why Guilt Holds Us Back from Betting on Ourselves
You’d defend a friend in a heartbeat—so why do you struggle to stand up for yourself?
As children, we were always taught that selfishness is bad.
Share your toys. Think of others first. Help those in need.
Decisions were made for us by adults, and our own instincts, our gut feelings, were rarely trusted. We learned that rules were meant to be followed, even when they didn’t make sense.
Fear always won over adventure.
Staying out of trouble was more important than following our hearts.
This conditioning doesn’t disappear when we grow up. Instead, it follows us into adulthood like a shadow, making us hesitate when we try to put ourselves first.
Every time we consider breaking away from expectations, that nagging voice in our head asks: Are you sure? Are you sure?
Why Is It So Hard to Bet on Ourselves?
Fear of judgment. Fear of failure. Fear of disappointing the people we love.
These emotions don’t come from nowhere; they are carefully planted by the world around us. We weren’t born with self-doubt, but we were taught to see ourselves through the eyes of others.
Guilt is often tied to people-pleasing, shaped by how we were raised and the risk-taking abilities of our families.
If we grew up around people who played it safe, who sacrificed their own dreams for stability, their fears became our fears.
But life is not black and white. Guilt is not inherently bad—it makes us human. But when it holds us back from making the choices that shape our lives, it becomes a burden we don’t need to carry.
When Guilt Becomes a Weapon
I’ve had guilt used against me—by ex-partners, ex-founders, ex-colleagues, ex-friends. People who saw what was best for them, even if it meant what was worst for me.
Instead of being vulnerable and honest about their needs, they made me feel guilty for choosing myself.
Most people don’t know how to say, I need you, even if it’s at the cost of your well-being. That would make them feel selfish.
So instead, they pass the burden of guilt onto us.
They wrap their expectations in words like duty and loyalty to make us stay, to make us sacrifice.
Because the world celebrates self-sacrifice far more than self-prioritization.
But let’s ask ourselves: If I am doing what’s best for me, and you are doing what’s best for you… why is only one of us considered selfish?
The Hidden Cost of Always Choosing Others Over Ourselves
It’s easy to sacrifice in the short term. But in the long run? That sacrifice turns into resentment. I have given up things for people before, and I resented them for it. It took away my happiness.
Here’s the irony: When someone else is struggling with the same thing, we know what advice to give them.
“Stand up for yourself! Be courageous!“
But no one ever taught us to make those feelings our own primary feelings.
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Courage was never encouraged!
(And that’s exactly why we have to build it ourselves.)
How to Break Free from Guilt and Take Your Own Side
There’s no easy way to break free. No magic switch. But here’s what I’ve learned:
The decision you are making for yourself is far more life-changing for you than for anyone else. To them, this might be a passing chapter in their story. To you, it could be the entire story.
When guilt creeps in, have this conversation with yourself:
Am I making this decision to hurt someone, or am I making it purely for myself?
How happy will this decision make me?
What positive emotions do I feel when I think about it?
Who made me feel these negative emotions?
What’s more important—living by my own truth or living for someone else’s expectations?
COURAGE: A Reminder to Bet on Yourself
Whenever you feel guilt pulling you back, remember:
C – Consider your happiness. Your choices matter. Your joy matters. You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
O – Own your decisions. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing what’s best for you.
U – Understand where the guilt is coming from. Is it truly yours, or has it been handed to you?
R – Reframe the fear. If you weren’t afraid of judgment, what would you choose?
A – Acknowledge the cost. Choosing others over yourself isn’t noble if it leads to resentment.
G – Go for it anyway. Fear and guilt won’t disappear, but they don’t have to control your choices.
E – Empower yourself daily. The more you choose yourself, the easier it gets.
Guilt is temporary. But the life you build for yourself? That lasts forever.
"You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." – Penny Reid
Reflect & Rewrite
Now, I’d love to know from you:
Take a moment to reflect and write this down in your journal (or comment below or email me privately):
✍️ If no one was watching or judging me, would I still make this decision?
✍️ If someone else were in my place, would I tell them to choose themselves?
✍️ In five years, will I regret choosing their happiness over my own?
Write back with your thoughts because I truly want to hear what you think!✨
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