“Yes, I used to Envy you… but not anymore”

Understanding and Overcoming Jealousy (friends, peers, colleagues and more)

A few years ago, when I was starting my career, I was unsure of my path.

Most of my friends seemed to have it all figured out—they were pursuing higher studies, landing jobs at big brands, and following clear career trajectories.

Meanwhile, I was experimenting with different things, trying to find my footing.

I envied them.

Fast forward to today, and many of those same friends now envy my freedom and flexibility.

Despite their higher salaries, I realized that their lives weren't what I wanted.

A lot of people feel like they’re not good enough when they compare their lives to the "dream lives" of their peers on Instagram.

But if you look close enough, you might see a reality you don't want to live.

The Trap of Comparison

I used to feel inferior when comparing my financial situation to others.

For instance, one friend had a high-paying job, a beautiful house, and went on luxurious vacations. I felt small and like a failure. But then, I learned about the stress he was under and the sacrifices he made.

I remember a conversation where he admitted feeling trapped in his high-stress job, wishing he had more time for his family.

This made me realize how much I valued my own free time and simpler lifestyle.

Are you too focused on others' successes without thinking about their struggles?

"Comparison is the thief of joy." – Theodore Roosevelt

The Illusion of Perfection

I thought my friends' lives were perfect, but I didn't see the trade-offs.

For example, a friend in a financially-rich relationship admitted feeling unfulfilled and unhappy despite the outward appearance of a perfect life.

Another friend seemed to have it all—money, status, and a seemingly perfect relationship. But during a heartfelt conversation, she revealed the emotional toll and lack of genuine connection in her life.

What people show isn’t always the truth. Sometimes, the sacrifices they make aren't worth the perceived benefits.

Have you ever considered the hidden costs of the lives you envy

"Nothing is as good as it seems or as bad as it seems." – Scott Hamilton

There’s room for all of us to Win

Instead of being jealous, I started to look at myself with more confidence.

I recognized my strength and resilience. My journey wasn't about comparing myself to others but about appreciating how far I'd come.

I used to envy a friend's adventurous lifestyle until I realized the instability and lack of security she faced. Meanwhile, my work and routine allows me to pursue passions like writing books and playing sports.

I built a life I was happy with and realized that everyone's path is different. You do what works for you, while I do what makes sense to me. It’s a Win-Win!

What strengths and accomplishments in your life have you been overlooking?

"The grass can be green on both sides” – Sonali Dutta

Behind the Glitz: What You Don’t See

Authenticity means living in a way that feels right for you, regardless of societal expectations.

Being my true self has brought me the greatest joy. Instead of chasing the lives of others, I focused on my own goals and passions.

I used to envy a friend who was a senior manager at a prestigious company. From the outside, it seemed like she had everything—an impressive title, a high salary, and a stylish office.

However, during our conversations, she revealed a different side of her life. Her success came with a heavy price: stress, long hours, and a lack of personal time.

Now I take time to define what success means to me.

I value freedom, peace of mind, free time, freedom of choice, quality time with friends and family, me time and more. I wouldn’t exchange this for anything.

Are you living authentically, or trying to fit into someone else’s mold?

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." – Oscar Wilde

Crabs in a bucket mentality can drag you down

I realized that some of my envy was fueled by my social circle.

Friendship should be about mutual respect and support, not about who earns more or has a fancier lifestyle.

I once had a close friend who earned significantly more than I did.

At times, I felt uncomfortable when we went out or discussed financial matters, fearing that our differing financial situations might affect our relationship.

One day, we talked openly about our feelings. We discovered that our friendship was built on shared values and experiences, not on material wealth. Our conversations shifted from comparing bank accounts to supporting each other's goals and celebrating personal achievements.

It's important to regularly evaluate your friend circle.

By diversifying my friends, I found a balance that brought me peace.

Are your friends making you feel inspired or inadequate?

“There are friends. Then there’s family. Then there are Friends that become Family” - Unknown

Here’s how to let go of ENVY:

Evaluate your feelings - Understand where your jealousy stems from.
Nurture your strengths - Focus on what makes you unique and valuable.
Value your journey - Appreciate your own path and the progress you've made.
Yield to self-compassion - Be kind to yourself and recognize your worth.

Take the Tolerance Test

Make two lists:

• List A: What do they have that you want?

• List B: What do they deal with that you don't want?

For every item you pick from List A, pick one from List B. This exercise helps you see the full picture and understand what you truly value.

Example: If you envy a friend's travel lifestyle (List A), also consider their lack of job security (List B).

If you want their freedom, are you willing to give up your stability?

Envy points to our Insecurities

Envy and jealousy reflects how we feel about ourselves. It’s not just about what they have; it’s about what we think we’re lacking.

Sometimes, it reveals unmet desires or goals. If we’re not pursuing what we truly want due to fear or doubt, seeing someone else live out those desires can stir up envy.

It highlights the gap between where we are and where we wish we could be.

Ask yourself: “Why am I feeling this, really?”

When I stopped comparing myself to others and started valuing my own journey, I found peace.

“All of your limits are self-imposed”

• If you believe that you’re not good enough to achieve a certain goal, this belief can prevent you from even trying.

• If you’re afraid of failing, you might avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities.

• If you keep telling yourself that goals are out of reach, you're making those limits stronger.

This is called Confirmation Bias. Make it work for you, not against you.

Find what matters to you, and you'll stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

May the force be with you!

- Sonali

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