I Wanna Matter
...and I know you do too.
It’s funny how one line from a movie can capture the essence of a feeling that’s been lurking in the shadows of your mind for years.
Deadpool said, "I wanna matter," and the moment I heard it, I knew exactly what he meant.
It was a school friend's birthday. He was very dear to me. We wanted to catch him off guard, so instead of the usual cake and outing, we decided to surprise him at his house at 6am. He lived quite far, so we all met up at a common point and caught a morning bus together.
When we arrived, he was thrilled to see so many of us—almost 10-12 friends. We were joking, teasing each other, and planning the day's activities.
Then, in the midst of the excitement, he turned to me with a look of surprise and said, "Sonali, you're here? I almost didn’t see you." My heart sank.
In that instant, I felt invisible, like my existence didn’t matter.
Deep down, a part of me always felt replaceable.
There was always someone better than me, funnier than me, more talkative than me. And as I watched others effortlessly take the spotlight, I started feeling undervalued.
I tried to fix myself constantly just to measure up.
But it was exhausting.
I felt like I was everyone’s last priority.
I was tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t, just to fit in.
Then one day, it hit me:
I didn’t matter to them because I stopped mattering to myself.
“Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.”
But what happens when you’re not even doing right by yourself?
Friendship:
Friendships can be tricky. They’re supposed to lift you up, but sometimes they can be the ones that drag you down the most.
Stop Overextending Yourself: I used to say yes to every plan and meet-up, even if I didn’t enjoy the activity. I believed that saying 'yes' was a step closer to being liked or admired. Boy, was I wrong.
Define What “Support” Means to You: Have you ever felt like your friends just don’t get you? It's time to help them understand what you truly need and how you want to be supported and heard. Don’t leave them guessing—communicate openly and honestly.
Make a List of True Friends: I know how this sounds, but eventually, this will happen on its own. So why not take the opportunity now? Identify the people who genuinely care about you. These are the friends who matter and to whom you will always matter. Hold them close and cherish them.
Relationships:
Romantic relationships, specially in early 20s can heavily impact our sense of self-worth. I made some non negotiables for myself:
Practice Self-Compassion: Speak to yourself with kindness. Treat yourself the way you would treat your partner. Set a standard for how others should treat you.
Choose a Partner Who Sees the Best in You: Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader, someone who encourages you to chase your dreams and assures you of your worth when you’re full of doubt.
Take Breaks When Needed: When you’re emotionally exhausted, it’s okay to take a step back. Rest isn’t just for the body; it’s for the mind and soul too.
Career:
In the workplace, it can be hard to find yourself, especially when you’re just starting out. Sometimes, all it takes is one person—a manager, a colleague, a boss—who sees your potential.
Find a Mentor: Seek out someone who believes in your abilities, even when you don’t see them. A good mentor sees your strengths and helps you leverage them.
Recognize Your Achievements: Keep a record of your successes, no matter how small. When you’re feeling down, look back at what you’ve accomplished. Sometimes, you need to remind yourself of your own heroism.
Pay It Forward: Take the time to recognize and uplift the strengths in those around you. Encouraging others often helps you see the value in yourself.
Ultimately, we’re all just tiny specks in the grand scheme of things.
Regardless of what you do or don’t do, time goes on and life continues to happen.
Why not make the best out of it?
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
- Wayne Dyer
Everything we do, no matter how small, has a ripple effect.
We’re all interconnected, and in that interconnectedness, we all matter.
Here’s how to make yourself MATTER:
Mindfulness: Be aware of your thoughts and how they affect you.
Authenticity: Be true to yourself. As much as you can. However you can.
Time: Invest time in learning about yourself.
Thankfulness: Appreciate the people and moments that make you feel valued.
Empathy: Practice empathy for yourself and others.
Resilience: You matter, and your resilience will carry you through.
Remember, you do matter. Always have, always will.
READ NEXT:
